Why the Sexually Abused Boys Do Not Speak up
Before reading this post, have you read Part one and Part two? If you haven’t or you feel there is a need to reread the posts, please click on link texts.
In society, the percentage of reported female cases of abuse is alarming compared to that of the males. There is no wonder that these statistics and studies could be inaccurate to a certain degree as majority of the abused males prefer to remain silent. There is no room for disputes that children, in their nature, are excited to tell people about their day; the activities they took part in, the discussions they had, their assignments, their interests amongst an endless list of sweet nothings. However, there are cases where they do not speak up. Sometimes, it could be a natural trait to remain silent while other times could be indications of something away from the normal. The reasons children, especially the male gender, refuse to speak up are endless but major reasons would be discussed in the latter part of this article. Having an understanding of these facts would help us treat this genderlectal issue with caution.
A key player in the game of not speaking up, so to speak, is the physique of a male. A male’s physique is biologically noted to be stronger and a bit more powerful. This creates a picture in the minds of a great many that they can defend themselves in any situation they find themselves in. Anything contrary to that is perceived by many, including the victim, as being weak. There is no one that wants to fall into the category of weaklings. In other to keep their guard up, they choose to remain silent. The thoughts of not being able to defend themselves ring as clanging cymbals in their heads with a constant popup that they yielded to the request of the perpetrators (the possible perpetrators and ways the males are abused were discussed extensively in the previous article. I suggest you read it up to help us get a clearer understanding of all that would be said here). The male is often seen as the aggressor or hunter in most heterosexual relationships.
A follow up to the already raised point is the thoughts on what society would think of them. It is almost ‘abnormal’ for people to live their lives without taking into consideration what society dictates. This is seen in our daily activities, our choice of jobs, our fashion style, our feeding habits and others. Living life based on what society would say is dangerous as society flows with the wind. However, the way society regards and treats its victims of abuse is something that we hope would fade with time as it has a great impact in the lives of those living in it. The feeling of being rejected, segregated and confined by society has negatively impacted the mental health of victims, sexually abused boys. Added to this are the numerous misconceptions that stem from our heteronormative culture. Such misconceptions as: “it is impossible for men to have unwanted sexual experiences with women” and “men always want to have sex” makes men much more reluctant to report unwanted sexual encounters whenever it involves a female perpetrator. In a case where the perpetrator is a fellow male, other misconceptions come to mind, including “heterosexuality is proof of manhood with stigma associated with homosexual encounters.” The perception that abuse involving older females having sex with boys is considered less distressing (and often a learning-experience) than corresponding abuse of females by older men is a salient reason why the male victims of abuse do not speak up.
An addition to the reasons abused males do not speak up is the believe that nothing would be done if they speak up. A victim would be overjoyed to know that when they speak up about an incident, something positive would be done about it. The likelihood of something pleasant being done is a propeller for the abused to speak up. No person would want to discuss weighty issues that would be taken lightly or not considered at all. Sometimes, the abused do not speak up because the outcome of the proffered solution would be harmful to the victim. At this point, they tend to consider the fact that greater investment is made to help save the girl child from sexual abuses. It is registered in their minds as: the females, not the ‘other’, are more cherished, protected and cared for in society because they are perceived to be more fragile. The imbalance in the way genderlectal issues are handled fuels the thoughts and conclusions of remaining silent.
Furthermore, the perpetrators appeal to the minds of the abused. This can be done by sensitizing the victims with gifts, treats and threats as well, especially the victims smaller in age than they are. Children are, by their nature, willing to go the extra mile just to get gifts and treats from whomever. The perpetrators see this as a mask in which they hide their deeds underneath. To the perpetrators, as long as the child is smiling, all is normal and fine. The other means of sensitizing the victim is by coercion. A victim is almost left with the option to remain silent when their lives are threatened. It is even worse when this threat comes from the ones closest to them or the ones they depend on for their basic needs of life. Often, the abusive adults will convince the child that they would not be believed or that they are responsible for the abuse and will be punished for it. This leaves the victims inundated with trepidation of the worst to come.
Other reasons the victims of abuse do not let word out about the abuse include love for the abuser, fear of tarnishing their family name, confusion, and ignorance, that is, not knowing what sexual abuse constitutes.
The greatest battle to overcome in a world of constant wars is the battle in the mind. That’s where everything starts. In this battle the rival of speaking up is keeping silent. The moment the battle line is drawn, both sides record 50%. Whichever side wins is an outcome of the thoughts and conclusions that were resolved in the mind of the victim. The gravity of these thoughts is dependent on a whole lot of factors some of which have been discussed above. Fear, worry, anxiety, regrets and guilt are the pillars to be destroyed on the battlefield. When this is done, we have a victor, speaking up.
In conclusion, sexually abused children, especially boys, do not speak up for fear of what society would think of them, the reality that little or nothing would be done to mitigate the issue, sensitization by the abuser, love for the abuser, fear of tarnishing family name, confusion, ignorance and to cap it up with the battle of the mind.
Thanks for reading this far. Enjoyed the reading? We would be glad to hear your opinions on this issue. Together we would create a better and stronger society.
If you like this post, don’t forget to like, comment, follow and share.
Thank you!
Uwam.me 