EFFECT OF SEXUAL ABUSE ON BOYS
As Newton’s third law of motion states, ‘for every action, there is equal but opposite reaction’, for every sexual abuse, there are reactions and effects the abuser and the abused would face. Under this discourse, we would be talking mainly on the effect of sexual abuse on boys. The abuse may last for few hours or some years depending on the circumstance. It matters less how long the abuse lasted or if it was a recurring incident because the effects of sexual abuse if not properly addressed would go a long way to mar the lives of the abused, the family of the abused and society at large. However, the length of abuse plays a role in helping the victims out of their situation.
The scars left on the lives of the abused take all shape, form and colour. In my opinion, the driving force of every scar is FEAR: Fear of letting go; fear of trusting again; fear of believing in oneself; fear of what people would say; fear of moving forward; fear of the unknown. Every scar should and must be well taken care of to prevent the birth of other scars. One of the major scars victims of sexual abuse face is insecurity. According to Wikipedia, insecurity is a feeling of general unease or nervousness that may be triggered by perceiving of oneself to be vulnerable or inferior in some way, or a sense of vulnerability or instability which threatens one’s self-image or ego. A child tends to lose his confidence in himself and in others as well.
Remember that the years of childhood are the formative years of a man hence crucial to the well-being of the individual. People, environment, situations, events and personal training shape the lives of children passively. Sexual abuse, especially when done by a trusted fellow that was meant to protect the child, alters the demeanour and confidence of the abused. The guilt-afterthoughts a sexually abused boy may have such as: ‘it was all my fault,’ I was too naïve,’ ‘how do I earn to trust myself?’ could lead to lack of confidence in oneself. This goes on to affect their social activities and relationships with people. Their grades in school may be affected, their choice of games and friends would change to suit the abused. On a whole, they may be transformed to a new personality.
The other scars left on the lives of the abused are subordinate to insecurity.
They are:
• Regrets
• Inferiority Complex: for more understanding of inferiority complex, click here!
• Lack of trust
The final bus stop of all the scars is depression which may exceed further to suicidal thoughts I extreme cases.
Insecurity is a person’s perception of the world and life as well. If one’s perception is beclouded by fear, every other facet of the person’s life would follow that same pattern. Abraham Maslow described an insecure person as a person who “perceives the world as a threatening jungle and most human beings as dangerous and selfish; feels a rejected and isolated person, anxious and hostile; is generally pessimistic and unhappy; shows signs of tension and conflict, tends to turn inward; is troubled by guilt-feelings, has one or another disturbance of self-esteem; tends to be neurotic; and is generally selfish and egocentric.” Maslow’s description of who an insecure person is gives a good summary of the likely effects of sexual abuse.
Once an abused person’s perception of life is reoriented, the victim is very likely to recover. Remember, life is not over until you say so.
I hope you found this post interesting as it has addressed the effects of sexual abuse on boys. In our next post, we’ll discuss the way forward briefly. Thanks for keeping up with this series. What other issues would you like to be addressed here? Please tell us in the comment section.
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